I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
