did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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