if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
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