Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I just googled if crying burns calories
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Randomize
