Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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