oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
