didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
You're a waste of cheezeits
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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