I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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