so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
