Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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