I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh�
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
