Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
