After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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