she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
