i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Randomize
