I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Randomize
