If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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