Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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