My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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