You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Just invented taco cereal.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Randomize
