Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize
