I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I think I sprained my soul last night
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
