You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
God I need to hump something, right now.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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