Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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