Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
