I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
