she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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