I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
We left the knife in your bed.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
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