you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
