i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
