Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
