just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
