I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Randomize
