He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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