I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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