I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
