He kissed a someone with a penis
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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