I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
