Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
