I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
