i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
