Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
