Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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