i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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