I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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