We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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