you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
