Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
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