Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
So vagazzling was a success
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
