xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
