yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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